Only Mostly Dead.....

So it has been a month since I last ran. I went down last Monday to run, and I walked. I told myself I would walk for an hour, I only got to the 20 minute mark when I convinced myself I was both bored and so tired that I was at risk of falling off the treadmill. My commitment to my health seemed to have died.

Yesterday was Monday. I usually weigh in on Mondays, but I didn't. I was scared, after all, I hadn't exercised and I was pretty sure that the spoonfuls of cold fudge ice cream topping, and hand fulls of chocolate chips I had eaten were bound to catch up with me the moment I stepped on that scale. As I got ready for bed last night I saw a list I made about a year ago. It is called "Kate's Reasons to Change". I printed off several copies of this list and placed them around the house, on the mirrors in my bathroom and bedroom, on the refrigerator and next to my treadmill. I was hoping that I would see my reasons to change often and I would remember why I need, and want, to try so hard. Well it worked, I read part of the list as I was brushing my teeth and I remembered why I want to be healthy.

Here is my list if reasons to change-

1- So that I will be healthier- I don’t want to have constant questions in my mind about whether or not I am slowly killing myself. I want to know that I am doing all I can to avoid Diabetes’s and Heart Disease.

2- If I am this cute now- Imagine how cute I will be later!

3- I don’t want to look pregnant when I am not pregnant

4- I want my clothes to fit- I want even smaller clothes to fit me.

5- I want to run and not be weary and walk and not faint

6- I want to feel more attractive

7- In the future I want to have easier pregnancies

8- I want to have more energy

9- I want to have a stronger body

10- I want to be able to hold my baby for as long as he wants/needs to be held- he is getting really heavy, which for him is good

11- Maybe some of my aches and pains will go away

12- I want to be inspiring to others who want to change too

It was number 10 that really got to me last night, my baby is 18 months old and he weights almost 27 pounds and I love to hold him, but sometimes it is hard to carry around that much extra weight. And then it hit me, I want to loose that much and more. A few months ago I weighed 202 pounds, this morning when I talked myself onto the scale, I weighed 187. That is 15 pounds, and that is wonderful. So why do I get so scared, why do I talk myself out of exercising and then into eating the things I shouldn't.

All I can do now is be grateful that my commitment to a healthier me is not dead, it was only Mostly Dead. With a little love, for myself and my future, my commitment can be revived. I am actually pretty happy today. I have told myself that becoming healthy and getting to the weight that my doctors have encouraged me to be at is possible, I have also told myself that I can do this on my own by eating well and exercising and that there is no need for me to take any pills or drink any teas so that I can loose weight. I have given myself a year to loose roughly 60 pounds. And the fact that I have lost 15 pounds in about 3 months is proof that this is not only possible, but I can mess up a few times, and slack of a few times, and I am still going to be able to achieve my goal.

Wish me Luck!