Take one down, Pass it around

OK, I broke my rule about only weighing myself once a week. I just love the fact that after a good workout I weigh less and I had some good workouts this week. But apparently I had some good meals too.

This morning I weighed 195.4, so I lost 1 pound!

That is better than gaining one pound, so I am happy. This week I burned 2,294 calories on the treadmill, and then I went to a family reunion and ate a piece of cake that probably had close to 2,000 calories in it, it was a yummy piece of cake.

I feel good about last week, I worked out every day that I could. I ran and walked on the treadmill during my sons nap time. Most days I did 60 minutes, and each time I ran I tried to run a little farther than the previous time.

The Awful Truth

So here it is- this morning I weighed 196.4 pounds. This makes me sad because on Saturday I weighed 194.2…. what did I eat!?!

I know exactly what I ate, Cinnamon Rolls for Breakfast, a whole lot of pasta salad and watermelon at dinner, and too many bites of chocolate cake. I hope I learned my lesson, I also hope that much of that 2.2 pounds is watermelon trying to work its way out of my system, I know that is really a dumb thing to hope for, but it gets me by. The sad part is, I really have nothing and no one to blame but myself.

I will say that I am mad at the human body, my body specifically. What gives it the right to fluctuate its weight so wildly within just a days or even few hours. This must be why they say only to weigh yourself only once per week, or every two weeks or a month. So, because I don’t want to cry, and I can prevent myself from the agony of seeing myself go up and down 1-2 pounds per day, I am making a rule. I will only weigh myself on Monday Mornings.

The Price We Pay

There are two things on my mind this morning, Exercise and Food.

On the Exercise front, I have a new goal to get 60 minutes of exercise per day. I made this goal on Saturday because I walked for 60 minutes and went 3.5 miles. Yes it took a long time, but I felt good afterwards, physically and mentally. I only burned 360 or so calories, but I figure that as I add some running in to that hour long workout the calories I burn will increase and I will see some good weight loss and health benefits.

On the food front I have another issue. We have a food budget of $190 per month for our family of three. Of that, $50 is specifically for my 16-month-old son, so that leaves $140 per month for the two adults in the house. It seems like a ton but we spend it each month easily and this month we spent it way too fast, so fast in fact that last week and this week I am not buying any food for my husband and I. We have and will continue to eat, we have a freezer full of meats, freezer meals and frozen soups that I have made over the past 4-6 months and I will be making some bread today, so we are not starving by any means. But I am amazed at how quickly that $140 goes. We buy mostly produce, as it is healthy and we have been trying to eat more vegetables over the past 3 months. I also have been doing my best to only buy the produce that is on sale, so it is not like I am paying astronomical prices for produce, but still where does all the money go? I miss my produce, I didn’t have any tomatoes last week, and I really did miss them. There is a light at the end of the food tunnel this week, on Saturday I get to go pick up our Utah Food Co-Op purchase, YEAH! Fresh produce again, and then in two weeks the food budget starts all over again, and I will be able to go shopping. I am glad that we have a stocked pantry, freezer, and some food storage, even though it may not be the healthiest food, I feel blessed that we have it, and we know where our next meal is coming from.

Why does this pertain to a blog about weight loss? Well, it is because it got me wondering about how easy or hard it will be for me to buy the types of food that will help me lose weight. I have also been thinking about something I heard recently about the cost of food and the Health of Americans in general. I don’t think I caught the whole news story, but I did catch a part about of a news program about how the cost of food is going up, and especially the cost of healthy foods, they spoke to a family who basically at fast food hamburgers because it was cheaper than anything else they could find. That is just sad. Then this morning when I realized that we had $16 left in our food budget this month I started thinking about all the weight loss programs that provide food for you, some of them even claim that you spend less on their food than you would if you were buying and preparing your own food, I am sure that for some people this might be true, and I am also sure that many people lose weight this way. But what happens after you stop their program. Do they teach you how to cook better foods for yourself? Should it be this hard to try to get healthy? I guess this is the price I pay for becoming unhealthy in the first place.19

A Brief History of Me

I'll say it quickly, I never learned to love exercises in any form. That was a big mistake, PE just wasn't fun in school. I tried to join the basketball team but they preferred my managerial skills to anything I showed them on the court. I joined the track team then quickly sprained my ankle while running in place, yes it is true, I am not very coordinated. When I was able to run again I found that I couldn't breath easily and quite often after a warm up run I would vomit, the doctor diagnosed me with Exercise Induced Asthma and I pretty much gave up running and was convinced that exercise just wasn't for me.

In the 15 or so years since then I have traveled, studied, dated, married and had a child. I have had a good life. I have eaten great food, yummy food and at times way too much food. I have not exercised enough and as such I have gained at least 50 pounds. I love myself, I have a pretty good self image, I believe that I am intelligent, pretty and funny, but none of that changes the fact that I have not been good to my body. People are very surprised to find out what I weigh. I carry it well, or I am well proportioned, that is what I say to people who are surprised to hear my how much I weigh. But I also think that we as Americans are just so used to most of us being overweight that we can't tell who is, after all, if my friend is fat and she is the same weight as me then I must be fat too, and so I will just convince myself that we are both fine, right? Wrong, I have deluded myself in the past and I can't and won't do it anymore.

My weight has always been my most closely guarded secret, and I think that is one of the reasons that I have let myself get to this point, because I carry my weight well and no one really knows, but I know.

It was 2 and a half years ago that I hit the 200 pound mark, 202 to be exact. I was crushed, I had to make a change. I had tried to make changes previously, I tried to walk myself thin when I was about 19 years old, I don't think I tried very hard and I didn't get thin or continue walking for exercise. When I was 25 some work friends and I would walk together. We were lucky enough to work at a hospital that had an exercise room in the basement. I found out at that point that I was above 30% body fat, seriously 1/3rd of my body was fat, it disgusted me enough to keep me walking for months and I did lose 15-20 pounds, then I switched jobs, lost the support group and eventually stopped walking. A few years later I got married and it was almost 2 years after my wedding that my scale broke my heart.

I remember it was in January, the previous year had been hard, we had been trying to conceive for 8 months and I was very frustrated. The fact that I weighed over 200 pounds was too much and I vowed to make a change, I was going to run, running would work, running would help me lose weight and I would eventually learn to love it. I talked my husband into buying me a treadmill, it was my Valentines Gift that year, and seriously it was a great gift. A couple of my sisters and I decided that we needed a goal, we would run a 5k in July. I started slowly, running for a minute or two then walking then running. It worked. By July I had lost 25 pounds, I was so proud to weigh 177. I was proud that my clothes, some that I hadn't been able to wear in years, fit me again and I was also proud that I was able to run a 5k. I will admit that I walked a little of that 5k, but hey, running outside is amazingly different from running on a treadmill. But I did it, I was healthier than I had been in years, I was proud of myself and what I had accomplished and two weeks after the race, I found out I was pregnant!

Have you ever thrown up daily for 8 months? I have. Pregnancy was hard, I was tired and I stopped running. I was nauseated and yet ravenous at the same time. I gained 60 pounds. Yes, 60 pounds, I think I topped out at 232. That number saddens me but considering I was pregnant at the time it doesn't hurt my ego as much as 202 does. About 3 weeks after my sweet baby was born I got the courage step on the scale and I was back down to 200 pounds, 30 pounds lost in 3 weeks, probably 30 pounds lost in 2 or 3 days. I was pretty sure I would easily get back down to 175, I was wrong. I started running again after being given to OK, but I had no goal and even though I got back to being able to run 3.2 miles on the treadmill I eventually stopped. I told myself I was too tired, that I didn't have any time, but really what I was telling myself was that I didn't care. I should have cared then and I do now.

Last October I saw the dreaded 202 on the scale again and I told myself that I loved myself more than this. I sat down and wrote down all the reasons I could think of for me to change my life and my habits and I made myself some rules and a list of rewards (until this moment I had forgotten about the rules and rewards) I lost a few pounds and I was pleased. Then I got tired and lost track of my goal. January rolled around and I decided that maybe I would try the Kirkland Weight Loss Shakes, and they worked, I lost 5 pounds quickly, and then a few more, but I knew that I wouldn't be happy drinking my breakfast for the rest of my life and I also knew that the money spent on those shakes could go to better purposes and so I stopped. I had a plan though, I read "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman, very informational and inspiring. My family eats better now, we eat more fruits and vegetable and less meat, and I did lose a few pounds, but in order to lose as much as I need to lose I would pretty much have to cut out all the sugary treats that I love.....or I could run.

And so I am going to run. I am going to set some goals, my first one is to run a 5k at the end of August. My second goal is to not eat an entire cake just because it is sitting on the counter. I think I can accomplish these goals, and yes I am serious about the second one, I am pretty sure I am addicted to sugar and I am a really really bad addict.

So that is a brief history of me. I plan to use this blog to track my progress, so at least weekly I will be posting my stats, it is how I am going to stay honest with myself. But I will also be sharing my feelings about the process as well. I don't know if anyone will ever find this blog, but if you happen to run across it, and feel like wishing me luck, please do so. It is never bad to have positive friends around.

And now, I think I will go see how far I can run...oh, and by the way, my exercised induced asthma, not a problem anymore.